May 6th - Weekend update

Well it is Saturday and today the scales said 231.5lbs.

Interesting past 24 hours since my last blog. Yesterday was stressful at work - a couple of fires to put out in HR! During the most stressful moment of the day I came across a box of timbits! It was very hard to resist - it was like every nerve ending in my body screamed EAT TIMBITS! (but I didn't!)

Later, when I got home from work Chris and I started brainstorming about exercise equipment. When I wrote the blog yesterday I ended my writing on top of the world, feeling like I could do anything - and that I would make it work - get the exercise equipment at home and start on a path to success now.

Well that's not what happened later in the day with our conversation. First I had to admit that the only space that we could even consider fitting the exercise equipment into the house was in the basement where the fridge is - and that is a large closet like setting which is roughed in for our second bathroom that we hoped to build in the summer of 2007 (we would really like a second bathroom!)

The next obstacle was how to get anything down the stairs? I have a couch in the garage that doesn't fit into the basement as we have no space, but when we tried to get it into the basement when I moved in with Chris we discovered does not it fit down the stairs. When I bought the couch I had to find the smallest pull out couch I could find as my apartment in Toronto had stairs and the management had given us dimensions of what actually fits. Our neighbours on the same street we live in, with a slightly bigger house had difficulties moving a small sized air hockey table into their basement because of how the stairs where built by the builder (we went and helped them fit it in, and the airhockey table was damaged and bent as we forced it into the basement). Then I started to wonder how we are going to get the fridge that the old home owners left behind out of the basement - they left it behind because it's too big to get up the stairs - it may have been put into the basement by rope before the stairs where built! (The people who lived here were part of the construction crew for the neighbourhood).

So now a whole new set of "obstacles" have cropped up. I was getting more and more discouraged. To add insult to injury I looked on the web and started pricing out equipment. With the upcoming wedding 50% of my salary is going into the wedding fund - and the rest goes to bills (Chris pays the mortgage, car insurance and car payments - I pay for the hydro, gas, phone, 407, cable etc... Bills and put money in a joint account for other stuff but normally that extra money would not be one whole paycheque a month). So I had to admit to myself that right now I don't have the finances. By this time I was craving carbs and sugar - I just wanted to eat anything quickly!

We got out of the house, went and picked up wedding invitation labels to start the process of printing them out. We talked about going for a walk when we got back. As we were in Business Depot the weather got cold and damp, the rain clouds creeped in and the outdoor walk was no longer a possibility. Then I got REAL grumpy - because I had the motivation to go into the basement to exercise on equipment that did not exist and wouldn't fit - where it was warm, not raining and easy to do! So I felt totally defeated - completely unmotivated and wondered why the Hell to I even try.

We put on the first season of 24 (rented the DVD's) to watch - and part of the plot is two girls being chased down, kidnapped, hit by cars, people are killed - my adrenaline was rising - and I was feeling desperate inside to eat. I just wanted to eat anything - I was climbing the walls with every part of my body screaming EAT SOMETHING. But I didn't - I went to bed - put the radio on to cover the sound of the TV and did some deep breathing exercising.

One day done - thank god!

But today is a new day. I'm not feeling as optimistic as yesterday. This weekends challenge is Peterborough - going out to dinner to celebrate my parents anniversary and Chris's birthday - and holding back my Mom's kitchen of food!

I am focusing on eating only raw veggies and fruit for lunch with nuts for protein - and have only protein for dinner and veggies for dinner - keep the matra up - no sugar, no flour, no starchy white foods.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Namaste

B.