Sunday May 7th 2006

Well it is Sunday and I survived eating out on Saturday. I weighed in here at my parents at 229lbs - with that said it's a different scale that weighs me lighter (but good for the ego until tomorrow when I go back to my normal scale at home)

We got to here at Lunch time Saturday - with all the temptations around me (home made white bread, home made chocolate chip cookies, cold cut meat, cheese etc..) I managed to eat a banana and some nuts for Lunch- then came dinner - Roast beef dinner at Colin and Vicki's house. I did okay there too sticking to meat and vegetables - only slipped by having pineapple (fruit) at dinner. I'm happy I did well, but it was not without my internal battle raging inside me. First we get there and there is double cream Brie (yummy) - I resisted - later there was ice cream cake from Dairy Queen to celebrate Chris's birthday - and I resisted there too. However if anybody could have got inside my head and heard the dialogue - it was insane! I really really wanted the ice cream cake and Brie. I could just taste it inside me. I knew I couldn't even put my figure in the icing and lick it as that would set the sugar cravings off. Every moment I hold steadfast to my promise to myself (no sugar, no flour, no white starch) my body feels better. I have more energy.

Later that night Chris, Vicki and I went for a walk around her new neighbourhood (they just moved). It felt good to have had a good day - eating right and walking! Success.

Today I got up and had some oatmeal and blueberries here - we will head home soon and I can stick to my food at home for lunch.

The most difficulty part of this week is getting over the cravings - and wanting to "join in" with food that I love, but has not been so kind back to my body!

The best thing I did was announce to the table my rules "no sugar, no flour, no white starch" - helped me resist the potatoes - they were very supportive and even made jokes about how yucky the cake was (good humour to help me through the moment).

Communicating my intentions out loud helped me keep the promises I made for myself.

Each day I have a choice as to what I put in my mouth - nobody forces me to eat something. It's my hand that holds the fork, and my mouth that chews the food.

It seems like it should be easy to just "choose differently" - but I find it a big challenge - the addiction in me is strong - and as I'm 38 years old - the addiction is at least 31 years old and it's a pattern of behaviour that I've repeated millions of times. Stress - eat; Happy - eat; Sad - eat; celebrate - eat. And I LOVE the taste of food - I could just taste the cake in my mouth - melting chocolate, ice cream and icing together - it is orgasmic!

I have to keep in mind the bigger goal - health - I am not dying of a heart attack for a piece of cake and cheese today - life is bigger then that - I'm worth being healthy, I'm worth being alive and energetic enjoying life to a ripe old age. Still.... some moments I wonder it is all worth it - but remembering how I felt at the 178lb picture - I know it is!

Namaste

B.