Today's movie was "Hungry for Change"  very good motivator.  It's up on Netflix if people are looking for motivation.

http://www.hungryforchange.tv/

Protein shakes

So as I am reflecting today, I have to say that the one key to success I have had in the past is protein shakes.

I have spent a lot of time looking at protein shake products from on line sources, speciality stores, diet plans such as herbal magic and network marketing. The best one I found was at COSTCO, yes you heard that correct, good old COSTCO.

Kaizen wey protein  has 35 g of protein and NO sugar (they use stevia/sucrolose).  It is gluten free.  It is 150 calories per scoop and you can mix it with water and it tastes good!  Now I only get the chocolate.  I can't rate any other flavour.

This  makes it easy for breakfast,  I keep some at work, so if I am working late I don't have to go to the vending machine to get some food.  If I use this routine, it works for me (of course I have not been doing this of late, and as such I am 282lbs).  Back in the days of under 200lbs this was my regular way of eating.

Web site is http://www.kaizenprotein.com/index2.html

Reflection time

Today is Sunday August 31, 2014.  The one thing about having pneumonia is that even though I am all gong ho to start "doing" something (exercise) I am held back to reflect as currently today I can't walk three feet without coughing until I throw up.  So reflection it is.

Now here is the thing, the basics of weight loss is a very simple calculation.  Everybody, I mean everybody  knows this calculation and every weight loss solution is based on the exact same principle.  Calories in verses Calories out.  That's it, that's the magic formula.

So the first thing I need to do is really get a system for calories.  You can count them, or eat low carb, lots of veggies, or group foods to so many a day (which is grouping calories).  Herbal Magic has a chart where they group foods to so many a day (grouping calories).  Weight Watchers give foods points (calorie points).

I am just going straight to calorie counting.  Now to loose weight at my current weight I should reduce to about 1200 calories a day.  So here is what I came up with as a check off chart:

Daily Calorie Chart

Calorie Count	Totals	Food List
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	100
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	200
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	300
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	400
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	500
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	600
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	700
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	800
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	900
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	1000
Optional 200
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	1100
□ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10 □ 10	1200

The premise is I broke down each calorie into groups of 100 and sub groups of ten (10).  I write the foods I am eating on the right hand side, and check off the calorie check boxes on the left hand side.  This will make me measure and be more aware of the calories in food.

I put the last 200 calories as optional calories.... now what that means to me is where I can not be as restrictive.  For example, many skinny people drink, or have the odd treat etc... When I step back and look at those who do, I realize that their total daily calories are not greater, but they fit these things into their calorie lifestyle.  So I can choose to use the 200 calories for a alcoholic beverage at the cottage one day, or I can choose to use the 200 calories for someone's birthday cake (small taste)  or I can choose to use the 200 calories as part of my normal food day with fruits, veggies, protein, dairy etc...

It is just a reminder at the bottom that I have a choice as to what I put in my mouth, and with that, I can build into a normal eating habit "treats" or calories that won't start me binging or put me off the rails, as I built it into my daily check list.

Once all the boxes are ticked off, I stop eating until the next day.  That's the key.  To log my food, check off the calories, and stop when its time to stop.

I am now working on a list of common foods I eat and their calorie count so I have a guide based on "me".  I also have the calorie counting books, but it will be easier for me if I have a guide for the day to day food that is part of my diet, and I can use the calorie counting book for when I am eating out, or have something new placed in front of me outside the norm.

I have to be prepared to eat differently then what is on the table in front of me.  For example, my brother in law Gus lives here, he cooks two to three meals a week.  His basic recipes are lots of cheese on noodles (cheap to make, kid friendly)  but very high in fat, carbs and calories.  So I have to choose to eat differently that night and not what is served at the table.

One of my other knowings is if I cut down on carbs and sugars I feel better.  So my choices I am making for breakfast, lunch and dinner will be a lower carb, low to no sugar choice.  A low Glycemic Index food approach.

Today is Saturday August 30, 2014.  Life has taken me on a roller coaster ride since I posted in 2011.  I also today have my second bout of pneumonia since January of this year.  My body is very unhappy with me.

I was on the slow road to "recovery " in 2011, then in 2012 my Mother's health turned for the worse, and she died December 13, 2012.  Her last week in the hospital she was in great pain.  I spent every day there, holding her in my arms, caressing her, giving her all the love I could to ease the pain.  I lay in her hospital bed and stroked her hair, rubbed her legs and feet just held her close.  When she died I lost my best friend.  Something I didn't realize so acutely until she was gone.  When I was sad, I called my Mom, when I was happy, I called Mom.  Mom gave me advice on my kids and me being a Mom, when I was frustrated, I could call Mom, she listened, heard me and didn't judge.  Mom and I went clothes shopping together, we picked out decore together, we did a lot together.  We talked every Friday night.   She was that unconditional love in my life.  When that went, I was lost.

My weight sky rocketed up to 292lbs.  The highest it has ever been. I did all the right things, got grief counselling, journaled, read spiritual books.  

Even before Mom was ill, I was struggling, since the birth of Michael in 2010 I just didn't feel like me, low energy, sluggish.  I had low Iron from the pregnancy.  When I went for help in 2012, I was told it will pass and I am upset about my Mom's health,  when I went in 2013 I was told, it will pass and I am grieving.  Finally I got a new nurse practitioner, who reviewed my case, and she figured out I have been clinically depressed since 2010.

 I was diagnosed with clinical depression, which was great, because it helped me know that I was not crazy for wanting to stay in bed all day and hide under the covers.... just depressed.   I was put on anti-depressants, and a fog lifted slow, it's still lifting, but I feel "happy".  I don't cry all the time, and I feel positive.  I still have low energy.... that is the weight and problems with my Iron.

I am now 282lbs.  Go the sleep clinic results, besides my normal sleep issues (born with some) I now have sleep apnea on top because of my weight and they want me to get one of those machines..... I am claustrophobic when things are placed over my face (those masks at the doctors office, a scarf, even if the sheet or blanket hits my fact at night, I'm freaking), I am not sure how I will handle a mask, or something on my face.

So I need to start again with the weight.  It is a life long journey I have had.  The anti-depressants are helping a lot.  I feel almost normal.  The tests are being done on what is going on with my Iron and blood work (my iron is not binding in my blood)

I have options out there, started to think about the surgical options.  I need to digest that for myself.  I don't know if that feels right for me.  A friend is having it in October, so I am going to watch, observe and listen to my intuition, what's right for me.

In the meantime, it's back up on the horse.  I know what I need to do.