Saturday

Saturday Mornings are always good for sleeping in! Today the scale was a bit "weird" I saw 219lbs, 218.5lbs and 218lbs (it can't make up it's mind) Currently at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday morning it seems to like 218lbs. I'm not complaining by any means - but such a weight loss in one morning has got to be water retention related! We will see where I even out tomorrow morning at.

Seeing 218lbs on the scale was a relief. That is the weight I was at last September before I "fell off the wagon". I had managed to get from 238lbs to 218lbs, then had that rum and coke in September, triggered my sugar addiction and put the weight back on. At 218lbs I feel like I''m starting from the "beginning" again as I'm no longer working on weight that I had back slide up too.

Last night we went out to dinner at an all you can eat buffet. I had one plate (small plate) of food with protein only. I started watching other people's behaviour at the buffet. There was a child in particular that I was watching. This kid was 12-13 years old (probably grade 7 or 8, not high school age yet). He was fairly tall for his age and I'd guess he is over 250lbs. This kid had plate full after plate full of food too many to count and he was seated before we arrived. I know after the plates of food, he went back to the ice cream bar 4 times while we were there, and he wasn't finished yet when we left. As I looked around the room, I saw my own "old" behaviour mirrored back at me. As a child I would stuff myself until I was sick at a buffet, like this kid I ate everything I desired (though he ate way more then I could ever eat). Even as an adult, I've looked at buffets as "party time" with food. An all you can eat orgasm! Pure, satisfying pleasure!

Another observation was the "size" of the people at this restaurant. There were more then the average number of "bigger" people in the room. As I looked around, I figured that 70% of the people were over weight (me included). This time, I had the resolve to have one small plate of food. However, I've been the addictive eater in the buffet restaurant in the past.

I found I was less hungry watching everybody else stuff their face, looking at their health and thinking I'm just like them - this is a room full of mirrors. I'm unhealthy at my weight, I'm a food addict too, and if I wasn't so focused at the moment I would have had everything at the dessert bar for dinner. (as my food drug of choice). Thousands upon Thousands of calories I would have consumed. If it had been January for example, and we where there, I would have eaten at least 10,000 calories at this buffet. For I saw myself in others, and I do not wish to create that life for myself any more. Still, I literally drooled at the dessert bar, it had EVERYTHING. I wanted to have dessert, my skin was crawling with desire. I drank 1 diet coke and 2 glasses of water to hold off the cravings. I'd already had 4 glasses of water before we went out - I floated out of there!

After we left, we went to the movies and watched the new X-man movie - very good, I had a great time and enjoyed it (recommend it if you like X-man movies - of course this is my favorite type of movie!).

This weekend we have nothing planned. Maybe work on the garden. It's going to rain all day today, but Sunday may have some sun and cloud mix (a nicer day then today).

I hope you all enjoy your weekends too

Namaste
B.