May 11th 2006 - paying the price...

Well it is Thursday and my weight this morning is fluctuating between 228.5 and 229 lbs (the scale goes back and forth each time I step on). Last night Chris and I went out to dinner. We went to a local pub were I choose chicken (kept to the protein only rule). I binged on Chicken. I ate three times the amount of chicken then I needed for dinner. I should have only had about 1/4 of the chicken I ate - but it felt sooo good to be really full! Then, a little while later I started feeling nauseous - I resisted throwing up - but I really really wanted too! This morning I'm paying the price for that decision, for what doesn't go up quickly - goes "down" quickly - really quickly - and Imodium is going to be my friend. I need to stick close to the washroom this morning, which means I'm going to have to call into work and tell them I'll be in later today - on a day where I have appointments booked in the morning that are important.

Not only did I binge eat, I created an issue with my body due to "bad" chicken, I'm also impacting my work too all due to a choice in food. Now logically I can't blame myself for "bad" chicken. It seemed cooked all the way through - it had a hot sauce on it, so I didn't taste anything but the hot sauce. (I eat hot sauce often - so it's not that my digestive system is reacting to the sauce). It could have been chicken that thawed, frozen, thawed and went off before cooking. I was not able to tell.

It is interesting how guilty I feel about the volume of chicken I ate. I kept to my rules, no sugar, no starch, no white flour. I also only had protein for dinner as per my naturopaths' advice. However I did eat more than 500 calories worth of chicken (that's for sure). And I know it's calories in verses calories out. I went for a walk at lunch yesterday (my 4km approx route) - Chris and I then went for a walk last night for another 4km (approx) - I pushed myself to go. I was nauseous, walking, sore and feeling guilty - Why I was sore ??- I'm embarrassed to say that on Monday night the cat was out and we couldn't find him before going to bed. I woke up at 2:38am thinking "go find cat" - I was still half asleep when I attempted to walk downstairs to the front door. Instead I fell down the stairs - bruised my butt, hip, foot and my ego! Chris came out to check on me - I made lots of noise! I then went and got the cat. I was a bit sore yesterday for two walking tours. But I knew it was going to rain for the next 4 days, the guilt of chicken, had me push my body.

Namaste

B.