Wednesday

Well today is Wednesday the scale said 253lbs again

Hard to tell what my weight is with the breast milk factor

Overall - not doing well - again got into sugar today - for breakfast I had 60seconds inbetween feedings so I had a peanut butter and honey sandwich - and there were Jelly bellies on the coffee table I got into.

Yesterday over a 24 hour period I fed Philip 23 times - today we are already up to 15 times since midnight and it's only 11:35 now - and he is in the background wanting more! He is gaining weight every day - and must be going through a growing spurt!

I'm finding I have no "me time" and that is creating an in-balance - even when I sleep I listen for him. I went to have a bath last night - and within 10 minutes of getting into the Tub Chris comes upstairs with the baby - he needs to feed again.

Today my parents are coming to visit overnight to help me clean out some rooms.
I'm finding I can't even get to the dishes etc.. - I know he is only 2 weeks old and we will eventually settle into a routine - I think Chris expects that now I'm home that the house will be cleaned, dinner on the table, laundry done, as well as doing 23 feedings a day plus diapers. I'm feeling that I can't do it all - and when I do get a few minutes between feeding I grab anything quick from the fridge that I can eat myself - and shove it down my throat as quickly as possible.
This happens when we've gone out to eat too - we both keep an eye on Philip wondering when he is going to start crying for his "boob feeding" - It seems to be my responsibility to "power eat" to be ready for the calling!

Even now I'm typing this as quickly as I can - the little guy is moaning in the background making sucking noises - shoving his hand in his mouth looking for more boob.

Philip is the most amazing thing - I love him more than I thought I could - and I'm very happy with him - I'm just starting to feel burnt out - not uncommon I hear - so I'm taking it in stride the best I know how - I'm finding this week "lonely" without Chris around. When he was here he could take the burping sessions during the day, gave me a 5 minute break. With Philip's current feeding patterns being "all the time" I'm not sure how to even get out of the house on my own without a crying hungry baby. Tomorrow I have to take Philip to the doctor at 3:30pm (another prime feeding moment) - I'm dreading it - Chris doesn't understand. When I told him I didn't want to go grocery shopping on my own - he accused me of finding excuses of not going outside - and was upset that I expected him to pick up groceries - Made me angry inside as I'm the one who has to be up all night and day to feed - He doesn't understand how exhausted I am. The idea of packing Philip up, getting to the grocery store - praying the whole time he doesn't cry for a boob - With my back and shoulder pain I can't carry the car seat around on one hip - I need to put him in the stroller to move him about. So I have to figure out how to get him into the grocery store - gather groceries - hope he doesn't get hungry -put groceries in the car - him in the car - unpack him and groceries - all by myself - It's not like going to the mall to pick up one item that is easily bought and brought back - groceries are a big move of items -takes a long time to do. I suggested we do a grocery night together - not sure how well that went over.

I'm not very domestic and Chris expects that the domestic fairy to sprinkle me with fairy dust and turn me into a homemaker now I'm a Mom - guess what - I still think making dinner is torture - and last night I wasn't even able to eat my dinner because I handled the meat raw which makes me feel ill - so I had a bowl of cereal once Chris went to bed for the rest of my dinner.

Well, Philip is starting to cry again - end of this post

Namaste
B