long week

It has been a long week this week.

I have not done well with food

On Tuesday I spent 6 hours straight in an Arbitration hearing with work- and ate to much while sitting around (there is a lot of sitting around at an Arbitration hearing). I also ate more because that evening I was going to a funeral visitation in Georgetown. My cousin's husband's sister passed away. It was very sudden. At thanksging she was hosting dinner for her family, feeling under the weather. Went to the doctor the that week and found out she was full of cancer and had maybe days to live. She lived 9 days. So I ate my way through the nervous energy of going to a visitation that day. I kept feeling that deep pit in the bottom of my heart - I can't imagine seeing my sister there, or Chris's brothers and the heart ache that goes through a person. Even contemplating it mad me feel physically ill.

Then on Wednesday (yesterday) I was at a Human Resources Convention for my local area. The food of course was amazing, and I didn't use any will power what so ever as I ate my way through yesterday.

My "control" mechanism seems to be failing these days - and I've gone back to old patterns of using food as a comfort and emotional release. This is a pattern that's sabotaged me in the past. And in the middle of the eating, I intellectually know what I'm doing to myself - but for some reason my hand still goes to mouth and I eat.

Namaste
B.