Where did I go?

Hello Everybody

You may have noticed that the blogging "stoped" for a while. I had a very good reason! This blog was started to help me loose weight. And I did a good job of loosing weight - I even got down to 190 lbs.

Since the wedding I've been gaining weight - (lots of weight) - and it has been frustrating. The reason I'm not able to diet though is that I am pregnant!

I first gained 8lbs over the honeymoon - I didn't worry about food - I just had a great time.

Then I found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks after the honeymoon. So dieting idea was gone! Now I find I'm eating out of nerves again - and trying to get more calcium etc.. in my diet has increased the calories too. Drinking orange juice and milk products which are high in fat and calories - I've gone through times where I can't seem to get full - and other days were food turns me off. Chris is very kind to me and has told me not to worry about my weight - that it came off before, and it will come off again. I'm already up to 208lbs (which is 10 lbs since the honeymoon weight).

I am excited about being pregnant - I'll be 39 when the child is born. I don't like to look at my face in the mirror again - as I've balloned up my face is gone. I am frustrated with my lack of control, I'm eating everything in sight and no matter what I tell myself I can't seem to get the cravings to stop or me to stop - I hate feeling like this about food again. I am kicking myself for gaining the weight over the honeymoon - why can't I just stay away from food that puts on the pounds? Why am I so weak after having so much success? I should be thrilled about all the changes in my body - but I'm angry at me for eating - and I won't start dieting as I won't hurt the baby - but I'm still a mess about my self image and I know that I'm going to have to take off 60 pounds next summer instead of 40 to get back to me again and that sucks! I feel like I'm on a run-away train that I can't stop and I'm heading right back to the wall.

People are not very nice either - one person said I should only gain 15lbs through my pregnancy and read me the riot act for having no will power - someone else said don't listen to those people, every person is different some gain 25-50 lbs - It's not a reflection of will power - My OBGYN is telling me not to worry about it and enjoy the pregnancy. But there are so many of those "people" giving me advice about my wieght gain - every where I turn I get critisim - and because they THINK they are helpful giving me their worldly advice as they have had a child and I'm the niave first timer - that they are doing me some sort of service by comparing "me" to "them" .

God help me when the baby is born - I think I'm going to have books and advice thrown at Chris and I like there is no tomorrow - I'm going to have to take a step back and say "thanks-but-no-thanks" to get these well meaning people who impose their thoughts with being asked to back off!

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit "grumpy" about the whole thing today

Overall I really am thrilled about being a Mom

Namaste
B