Well It's Sunday and the scales said 193.5lbs this morning
I started this blog back in May to help me track my weight loss. Everyday I get up, weigh myself and post the weight on the blog for the entire world to see. I think that society (especially for women) have this weird taboo on what people weigh. If you are too high, or too low is something "shameful" (especially if you are too high - the media doesn't recognise too low unless your on deaths doorstep)
Why do people hide their weight? their age? these are general statistics about who we are as people. What is in the collective psychic that say's "keep things private".
For example, I have had anxiety attacks and times of depression. As I've gone through those times I have discovered a have a family history for a few generations that have had these same issues which I find interesting, and very helpful to know (the I'm not alone syndrome). Right now I'm happy, upbeat, no depression in site, but as it's chemical for me, I know it can pop up again, and I know what to do when it does. The anxiety attacks are always around in one form or another - and that's okay. They are mild currently, and are on one topic of conversation that loops through my head (what is death, what happens when I die, what if I don't exist when I die, where was "I" before I was born - fear of death, fear of blinking out of existance when my body dies, more terror attacks then anxiety attacks - overwhelming fear of what happens to "me" when I die and the desire to figure out the question, or will a very positive answer into my conciousness while I'm alive - then I wonder if I am making up a happy ending to delude myself because of the fear - smile - it's an endless loop!) - I have that panic attack almost every night as I fall to sleep - but I've had that for years now (since 1985), so I have techniques to get through it night after night, how to refocus my mind so it does not overwhelm me. On occassion it does.
Back to my main point.... stating my weight, talking about depression, panick attacks openly, honestly as if I was talking about the weather, seems to be something unusual. Now I'm not sitting down in every conversation having heavily loaded, deep conversations that have people running as I walk in the door (Oh my god, here she comes and she's going to tell us her troubles again - lets duck out on her now) - there are people that do that - every time you see them there is a drama to tell, a sad story, a concern - I'm talking about the occassional conversation (two to three times a year) where I start talking about real life issues, feelings, emotions, and notice the reaction of particular people who just don't think it is poliet or appropriate to speak these things out loud - that it's best kept inside. The proper way to communicate.
What is it that makes subjects taboo? That makes expressing something that a large group of people also experience an uncomfortable moment? Interesting?
Here's a thought, if your reading this, did you get uncomfortable with the topics I typed? Too much information? If so, why was that?
Anyhow that's my ramble today
Namaste
B.
